Reasons why I, a cyclist, am on the road right now
The bike lane is full of pot holes and broken beer bottles.
There is a car parked in the bike lane.
There is a car poking out of the bike lane.
It’s a car’s fault.
There is no bike lane.
The bike lane is effectively the gutter, and that’s not safe.
A gutter made of cobblestones.
This is Sydney Road.
The bike lane is basically 100% drains.
The bike lane is full of parked/stopped cars/temporary road signs
Reasons why I, a cyclist, appear to be breaking the law right now
The bike lane just disappeared and this is a four lane road. Damn right I’m on the footpath.
It is actually legal for a bike to cycle on the road.
I can’t set these road lights off.
It’s much, much safer this way.
I’m sorry about that time I clipped your mirror while squeezing between the cars. Moving to the bike box is actually legal for me to do. Consider leaving enough space for me to do so.
HOOK TURNS ARE LEGAL FOR BIKES.
I locked my bike to this sign because you didn’t put in any bike parking, whilst you did decide on eleven trillion car spots.
I locked my bike to this sign because the bike parking that Council installed has been obscured by cafe seating.
I’ve been to train stations, I know how cars park when there aren’t any spots. I’m practically unobtrusive right now.
Reasons why you, a driver of a four wheeled vehicle of death and steel, are wrong
Actually I can take up the whole lane in the roundabout; no, don’t honk at me for it.
You’re just jealous you can’t jaywalk in a car.
I also pay taxes that pay for these roads.
You should actually be happy, I pay approximately the same amount of tax as you do at a significantly lower infrastructure cost.
Really, I’m saving you money.
Not to mention, otherwise I could be driving a car, and if I was I’d be in front of you, because I’m a chirpy morning person.
(I’m mostly a chirpy morning person because I’m riding my bike, but still)
Registration doesn’t pay for roads, it pays for insurance when you hit someone, which statistically you will (our insurance scheme in Victoria is actually quite good). It’s really very hard to kill someone running into them with a bike, it’s a lot like running into them really fast with your legs. I bought insurance anyway, because I’m a responsible adult.
I know you’re in a rush, and how if you weren’t stuck in traffic you’d be there by now. Instead of getting aggressive consider riding a bike.
I’m also sorry about the time I didn’t stop in time and clipped the back of your car when you pulled out without a lot of notice. However if I’d been a car you’d cut up there would have been actual property damage.
Cycle tourists contribute five times more money to local economies than other domestic tourists in Australia because they can’t bring all their stuff and have to buy it all locally. So try not to buzz me when you’re going at 100km on a poorly serviced highway.
No, I can’t go faster; why don’t you go slower?
Reasons why I, a cyclist, just dinged my bell at you
It is dark, and you are wearing black.
There are limited street lights.
You’re in the bike lane and you’re an almost completely invisible bike/pedestrian/skateboarder/wheelchairer.
I’m passing you.
Reasons why I, a cyclist
I just am