Things said incorrectly by Sydneysiders (A list).

still from the boxing kangaroo, 1896

There is a great divide across Australia. It causes minor squabbles and major fisticuffs. The fights have been extensively documented, as has the divide. And no where is this great division more more obvious than in the differences, linguistically, between Sydney and Melbourne.

Although often Melbunnies are incorrect, I can tell you with great certainty, being from Perth (the most distant capital city in the world), that Sydneysiders are incorrect like 99% of the time. The bridge goes to their heads (and at least our Arts Centre looks like an actual building instead of a deformed bird).

The rest of you: Pick a side, losers.

I can't find the ownership of this photo, let me know if you know it!

Things said incorrectly by Sydneysiders (A list) (AKA the great Aussie linguistic divide)

Juice boxes (also known, in this instance, correctly, as poppers).

Potato cakes (Melbourne, Perth) vs Potato scallop (Sydney) vs the completely incomprehensible Potato fritter (SA). (I really now want a deep fried potato slice)

Water fountain, incorrectly known as the bubbler (or the bubblr).

Queenslanders call suitcases ports, and they’re wrong.

Other things Queenslanders do: the eternal but. Versus the eternal Victorian tho.

Bathers; also known as swimmers and togs. I’ve heard cossie in Sydney so clearly it’s wrong (and also the name of a movie featuring Barry Otto (Miranda Otto’s dad), Toni Collette, Rachel Griffiths, and David Wenham, so obviously it can’t be a thing you wear in the water).

But Melbunnies are painfully tragic, and so there are some ways in which they’re imperfect. The following refusals to let go of their inferior and long distant past are prime examples:

The insistence on using ‘Safeway’ when the rest of the country has been Woolworths for eleven trillion years. Let go.

Southern Cross has been so named since 2005. Let go.

Say these words out loud: castle; dance. If it sounds like you’re saying ‘cattle’ and ‘farce’ then you’re totally wrong.

Zooper doopers. ZOOPER DOOPERS. NEITHER OF THOSE ARE REAL WORDS. They’re goddamn funny faces. (Liz disagrees; they’ve got a cool space theme and she’s gonna fight Steph to the death. But at least we can all agree that they’re superior to Sunny Boys (incidentally not called sunny boys in Perth – thanks to Amber for reminding me they’re called FREEZAS))