motorcycle cop is a sweet nothing

When Steph is sad, she watches a Henson production. When Steph is happy, she watches a Henson production. When Steph sings, she sings a Henson song. There’s some Muppets in her life, is what we’re saying.

There’s a new trailer for Muppets! It’s not a movie (ps, Walter is the worst new Muppet of the last twenty years, pass it on).

And so Steph, lifelong devotee at the altar of Henson, brings you her most useful Muppet quotes.

When you need to give someone something:

“This is for you” in Clueless Morgan’s clueless voice is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. That and “But it’s not even his birthday.” Also this is the greatest Muppet movie ever, I will fight you.

When you need to ask questions or approve of things:

“How are you fixin’ to pay?” “Very popular choice” and “You are all. weirdos.” HELP I LOVE IT.

When giving directions:

When fessing up to something:

“I cannot tell a lie, I ate the whole thing!” GREAT MOMENTS IN ELVIS HISTORY.

When you need to deny something:

“Mother always taught me never eat singing food.”

When you’re announcing things:


When you need to scold a person:

“Light the lamp not the rat.” And sadly I cannot find “Thank you for making me a part of this” but it is SO USEFUL.

When things stop working:

“Dead Tom’s dead! Long John shot ‘im!”

When you need something from someone: