Ah, Hallowe’en. It’s the one time of year No Award doesn’t complain about American cultural imperialism.* Yes, it’s deeply frustrating that you spend all day carving a pumpkin, and 24 hours later it’s covered in fruit flies. But come on, this is a festival that involves costumes and confectionary. We’re not complete monsters**.
So if you’ve only just remembered that costume party you were invited to back in August, or if you’ve received a polite letter from a neighbour, letting you know in advance that their children will be trick or treating and asking if you’d like to participate, No Award is here to provide some extremely scary costume suggestions.
- white people celebrating Cinco de Mayo
- a surprise performance review
- the waiter who responds to “I’m vegan” with “That’s okay, everything here is gluten-free”
- that person who asks you to explain your Twitter jokes
- migratory whitedude slash fandom
- selection criteria
- the comments
- Joss Whedon’s understanding of feminism
- Joss Whedon’s understanding of cultural appreciation
the rule of law on Nauru
- Benedict Cumberbatch
the person who always gets to the microwave first at the office kitchen
- late capitalism
- large cities with no public transport
- the rise of fascism in the 2010s
- the ghosts of horses killed during the Spring Racing Carnival
- climate change
- Christmas decorations before Halloween
- television show crossovers
*An actual lie, it’s the Imperialist theft of several festivals that have been smushed into one culturally appropriative nightmare, and Stephanie will complain about it all she wants.
[Liz: Yes, but it’s not specifically American imperialism here. The smushing started in Europe and evolved from there.]
** We are in fact complete monsters.