Don’t get in this Metro train carriage

In light of the PLEASE LET IT BE TRUE Seagulls on a Train story coming out of Frankston yesterday, No Award brings you: beings you don’t want to share a Metro train carriage with.

(Seriously but first go read Seagulls on a Train first) 

the legendary panther of the Dandenongs

Harvey*yarraville3

the Olympic Doughnuts dolphin

phoenixes

Bunjil (he will be very uncomfortable trying to fit)

loudly racist people

quietly racist people

Donald Trump

the Newcastle shark (we would be very worried about a shark so far from its natural habitat)
a giant penguin or any other kind of megafauna
Peter Dutton
the dude running that ‘legal rape’ thing
Richard Dawkins
a T-rex
Aaron Sorkin
Chris Carter
fatsopretty much any showrunner, really, it doesn’t seem to be a job that attracts amazing personalities
the Sydney Olympics mascots Syd, Olly, Millie
Fatso the Fat Arsed Wombat
every single animal in Michael and Hayley’s bird posts
the horses that pull the carriages around melbourne cbd
the seagulls at the state library
a wombat
(wombats are delightful and we love them but we wouldn’t want to ride a tram with one)
(they will just piss on you and crush your hand)
koalas
any koala
perfidious carriers of drugs and chlamydia
YES EVEN THAT NICE JEREMY THE KOALA
WHAT IS HIS GAME ANYWAY?
IS HE DEEPLY ACCIDENT PRONE? OR IS HE RAISING HIS PROFILE AS HE PREPARES TO RUN FOR PARLIAMENT?
HOW WILL AUSTRALIANS FEEL ABOUT ITS ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES GETTING HIGH AND SPREADING STDS?
#yesallkoalas
Hmm.  A stoned syphilitic koala or the Liberal Party?  Tough choice.

 

* Harvey has been on a tram, and aside from not having a valid myki, was very well-behaved.  But don’t tell anyone, it’ll ruin his image.

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