Transportational shenanigans

Melbourne is a wonderful city with an extensive public transport network and traffic infrastructure.

Which means there are plenty of opportunities for things to go hilariously wrong. (“Hilarious” in the sense of there being no serious injuries, we’re not complete monsters.) Here’s a round-up of recent events:

The Montague Street Bridge

God bless this extremely low bridge, and God bless every single driver who attempts to take a tall vehicle through it. How many days since the Montague Street Bridge has been hit? There’s a website for that! It’s been hit at least six times so far this year, giving us an average of A Bit More Than Once A Month.

The official count is More Than 100 Strikes Since 2009. Rumour has it that Victoria is going to change its numberplate slogan to “Reckon this’ll fit under the Montague St Bridge?”

And it even has a pen pal!

The tram that came to dinner

We love Melbourne’s trams, but not so much that we’d invite them into our homes. A number 48 tram paid a visit to a home in Kew the other night, having been derailed by a collision with a car.

Photo of a battered-looking tram whose front is sitting in a driveway. Behind it is a damaged house.
“Ding ding! I’m here for dinner!”


Luckily, no one was badly injured, or else my initial response would be really inappropriate. Because I keep having Thomas the Tank Engine flashbacks.

Illustration from "Thomas Comes to Breakfast": Thomas the Tank has crashed through a house into a room where a family (white, straight, 2.5 children) are eating breakfast. The wife is gesturing angrily at her ruined meal.
“You miserable engine! Just look what you’ve done to our breakfast!”

Lifehack: don’t get into a car chase with the cops … on a bike … on Sydney Road

This isn’t so much an hilarious shenanigan* as an epic failure of common sense. When police attempted to approach a cyclist about some outstanding warrants, he took off into oncoming traffic. On Sydney Road.

Quokkas, Sydney Road is dangerous enough without that sort of nonsense. If you’re evading the cops, you should at least head for the Upfield Bike Path**.

* Excuse me, what is the singular form of “shenanigans”?

** This is terrible advice and No Award cannot be held liable for the consequences of any bad decision-making you undertake because you can’t recognise an obvious joke. Also don’t do that on the Upfield Bike Path, there’s no lights and it’s very dark, write to your local Moreland Councillor and complain about it before and after evading cops on it. Or use it to evade cops during the day, but write to the council anyway.

3 thoughts on “Transportational shenanigans

  1. I am always dumbfounded by the number of trucks that get stuck under the Montague St bridge! It’s so low only — 3 metres –that I can feel my car duck its head as we go under. Do truck drivers think that their truck will be able to limbo under? Or that their truck will be the exception to the 3 metre rule? Loved the tweets!

  2. nonelvis

    That Montague Bridge site is *perfect*. In fact, now I’m disappointed that Boston doesn’t already have a site for Storrow Drive, whose underpasses regularly claim trucks driven by out-of-towners foolishly following GPS instead of what the height warnings tell them.

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