At last, we come to the final days of this marathon eight-week election campaign. How do Americans cope with campaigns that drag on for years? Is that the reason behind their low voter turnout? Is it just coincidence that “voter burnout” almost rhymes with “lower turnout”? HAVE WE JUST CRACKED THE WHOLE CONSPIRACY?
…probably not, but here’s some stuff to read and watch while we prepare for the most important part of Australian democracy: the sausage sizzle.
Democracy depends on an informed and educated electorate — find out now which polling places in your area have sausage sizzles, vegetarian options and cake stalls.
…also double-check which electorate you’re in, just in case.
A+ satire: Sammy J’s Playground Politics, a Play School-inspired guide to Australian politics.
There’s never been a more exciting time to be a preschooler attempting to comprehend complex superannuation policies.
This has been floating around my Facebook feed for a few weeks, but it completely passed me by because … well, it’s a video. I don’t do video if I can avoid it — reading is faster, and text takes less time to load. Not to mention the accessibility issues.
But if you have the time, and the patience, and the ability to watch this, No Award strongly recommends it: it manages to parody Play School while also offering a heartbreaking satire of Australia’s morally bankrupt political culture.
Remember, Senate voting has changed. Now, instead of numbering either one box above the line, or a gazillionty boxes below, you must number a minimum of six above the line or a minimum of twelve below the line.
Sadly, none of the sites that let you select and print your own personal how-to-vote card are running this year — that’s how dire this election has been — but the AEC has a mock-up. The best thing about this system is that you don’t have to give a preference at all to a party you hate, whether it’s Family First, the Health Australia Party or the Humid Party. (Fuck that Humid Party, seriously.)
(Don’t forget, the Health Australia Party are super dodgy! In fact, I just read through all their policies, and now I need to go wash my brain out.
Build a health-creation system, not a disease-management system.
Yeah, good luck with that. Aside from all their other problems, they don’t seem to have a policy regarding accessibilty and disability? Guys. Guys.)
Here’s a quick, no-nonsense guide to all the parties running for the Senate.
Don’t laugh, I am genuinely excited by the changes to Senate voting, and what the Senate will look like when the election process isn’t distorted by a complex network of shady preference deals. I love the Senate. #teamunrepresentativeswill
The Backburner Endorses: Scrunching Up Your Ballot And Throwing It At A Bird
You hate the bird. The bad bird on the fence post has been looking at you with its gawky bird eyes from the moment you stepped into the polling station. First it looks at you with its left eye, then it turns its whole head and looks at you with the right eye. It’s gross and weird. You hate the bird.
This speaks to me on a really profound level. However, we at No Award do not endorse violence against defenceless birds, and advise scrunching up your ballot and throwing it at, say, an emu or a cassowary, or some other kind of bird that can fight back, and then running really fast to escape its revenge.
It’s the day before the election, and the Prime Minister has decided to stop answering questions? Is that a thing? That seems wrong.
17 Times Tumblr Was Way Too Real About The 2016 Aussie Election
HELP I’VE FALLEN DOWN A BUZZFEED HOLE AND I CAN’T GET OUT
Political slogan generator: make your own three-word catchphrase
A round-up of shenanigans
Key quote:
When given the opportunity to later challenge Dr Aly directly on live radio, Mr Keenan refused, saying debating a Labor candidate was beneath him.
And you’ll find that in a dictionary under “born to rule mentality”.
no-award.net 
There’s a senate how to vote construction thingie here: http://www.finder.com.au/senate-voting-card-creator
(Also, I’ve been reviewing tiny parties and independents at http://www.catespeaks.wordpress.com, though I definitely have not been succinct about it.)
I’m impressed you were able to SEE the Health Party’s policies – every time I try to access their site, I wind up getting a database error, and it doesn’t matter which browser I use (tried Firefox and Chrome – didn’t try with Internet Exploder, although I suppose I should give it a go). I tend to figure this is a message from the Health Party about how they don’t want the votes of people who aren’t using the Right Browser or something.