melbourne pt. ugh.

flooded stationYesterday it rained and Team No Award chose to leave their bikes at home and brave the elements/Melbourne’s public transport system. We’re not happy about it. We’d like to tell you why:

  • people who surge towards the train doors as they open and have to be forced to let people off
  • bikes on trains at peak hour (travelling with the peak) leaving no room for wheelchairs and mobility scootersflood3
  • myki
  • the smell
  • the East West Link
  • every single driver, cyclist, tram and pedestrian on Sydney Road who isn’t Liz
  • Upfield Line comes only every 20 minutes
  • unlit stretches on Upfield Bike Path (obviously the fault of the train line)
  • the number of disposable coffee cups abandoned underneath the seats
  • people who insist on not getting off the tram till they’ve touched off, in the city centre. DON’T DO THAT
  • that time someone yelled at Steph for having her bike on the train (despite it being contraflow and in an empty front section)
  • the way people all crowd around the door
  • the distance between the platform and the train at brighton beach station
  • IT IS NOT RAINPROOF
  • ptv’s lack of integration
  • giant puddles form a lake between tram and footpath on Sydney Road
  • rail infrastructure dates back to 1930s
  • the smell
  • having to hear ‘dumb ways to die’ four times whilst waiting for your burger from the lord
  • that one time someone Steph knows was masturbated against on the tram
  • how hard it is to actually report a thing to Metro Trains
  • ticket inspectors seem to mostly target young men of colour and the vulnerable or disadvantaged
  • twitter last week had a person whose sister was harassed by PSOs at her station
  • remember that time they assaulted a teenage girl and then charged her for spitting on them?rail_safety_wideweb__430x286
  • and people who get off then stop stock-still right in front of the doors.  I WILL BODYSLAM YOU, PEOPLE, DON’T THINK I WON’T.  YOU’RE MORE YIELDING THAN THE TRAM DOORS THAT WANT TO CLOSE BEHIND YOU
  • people who insist on staying in the doorway until their myki has registered before they’ll get on the tram.  THERE ARE FORTY PEOPLE BEHIND YOU AND WE ALL WANT TO BOARD.  SWIPE ONCE EVERYONE’S ON BOARD
  • teaching visitors how to myki
  • ONLY PLACE IN THE WORLD YOU CAN’T BUY A TICKET BUT YOU CAN GET A FINE FOR A LACK OF TICKET
  • THE SMELL
  • sitting on a train between north melbourne and southern cross
  • sitting on a train between flinders street and richmond
  • “the train will be departing shortly” OH WILL IT
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7 thoughts on “melbourne pt. ugh.

  1. I feel compelled to point out that I take PT to work more days than not, on account of laziness and chronic illness (but mostly laziness). So I am quite an authority on all the ways Melbourne’s PT system is terrible.

    Ways in which Melbourne’s PT system is not terrible:

    – it exists, which is more than you can say for some cities

  2. The complete inability of Melburnians to actually MOVE FURTHER DOWN THE CAR is a daily cause of ire for me. Trains come into Parliament with spacious gaps down the aisles and sardines at the door, and no one can get on because people are apparently incapable of budging up.

    Also special mention for the people who crowd the door at Flagstaff and then look offended when I shoulder-barge my way out. SORRY NOT SORRY.

  3. This is a brilliant post – I’m going to show it to Ral who I am certain will also appreciate it (although we are both too recently from Perth where the transport is far less flexible and awesome, so we’re still a little bit in love. Which isn’t to say that improvement wouldn’t go a long way!)

    1. Yes, I was thinking the same about Sydney, Transcendancing; Melbourne’s transport is comparatively beautiful but every system has its substantial faults, of course!

    2. One thing I think Transperth does better is the connections – in Melbourne it’s very very easy to not make connections, but Transperth designs to have connections. That’s nice.

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