places one might misplace an Australian PM

A screenshot of the TARDIS underwater, with Harold Holt's head superimposed at the bottom.Australians are always losing their Prime Ministers. Into the Bass Strait, in the Liberal Party Party Room, in the audience of a Keating! performance. To assist the nation, No Award has compiled a list of places you might look if you’ve recently lost your Australian Prime Minister.

  • The No Award Staff Writers’ email thread (currently titled “die glorious on the jaffle road”)
  • Cheviot Beach
  • The pub
  • A seedy hotel in Memphis, his pants at least, Malcolm Fraser
  • Into a giant box marked BESPOKE SUITS $$$ HERE that is propped up on a stick connected to a piece of string which is held by John Howard
  • Ritual sacrifice to the Spill Gods
  • Under the light on the hill
  • At the bottom of Lake Burley Griffin
  • With their hand stuck in a wombat burrow
  • The ANZAC Memorial
  • Barton and DeakinSomewhere in this sea of giant beards
  • Follow the trail of verbose swearing
  • Helicopter on the way from Melbourne to Geelong
  • Hand stuck in a fax machine
  • Skulling beer from a yard glass at the UWA Tav (11 seconds, a world record)
  • So corn farmers have this problem where they find their corn … plant … trees … completely denuded of corn from below a certain height, and corn-sated cats asleep on the ground.  Like that, but it’s an onion farm, and it’s not a cat, it’s a former Australian prime minister. (The No Award Staff Writers aren’t sure Liz knows how onions work.) (Liz has googled how onions work and stands by her hypothesis.)
  • On the John Howard Walk of Wonder, an actual thing that actually exists with that actual name.
  • On a stamp
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