Being an incomplete list of the paper cuts and small indignities the bakers have suffered on the 2016 season of the Great British Bake Off, as documented by Stephanie.
Ep 1: Cakes.
Rav is making a ginger spice yuzu drizzle cake. The following conversation occurs during baking (this bit is fine, it’s background):
Mel: I’ve never heard of yuzu before.
Mary: What’s it like?
Rav: I think it’s a bit of a cross between a lemon and a lime.
The following conversation occurs during judging. This is obviously the bit that cuts like paper:
Mary: The spices are not coming through.
Paul: You said that – the taste thing is when you taste it, it’s neither lime nor lemon, so I’m trying to identify which one it is and my brain’s going ‘what is that?’ Watch your flavours.”
ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME, WHITE BOY. ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME. JUST BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN CAN’T DEAL WITH YUZU – I JUST – I –
Ep 3: Bread
Every time anyone gets told off for too much chili (Tom, this time), I’m immediately suspicious.
Paul and Mary in their engagement tent, about the knoedel: “We’ve never actually steamed anything before on the Bake Off, so it’s the first time that any of the bakers would have hit anything like this in their lives, probably.”
ANYTHING LIKE STEAMING BREAD, PAUL. ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME.
Here are a list of wheat flour-based products that Stephanie has steamed in her brief, Southeast Asian life:
- a variety of items for yumcha like har gow and siew mai
- kueh (this is usually not made from wheat I guess)
- chee chong fun (which I guess is for yumcha but is also THE BEST)
Ep 4: Batter
Mary, about Churros: “A simple street food has got to be made into a magnificent showstopper” oh come on, if you’re using the words ‘a simple street food’ you’ve already misunderstood AND you’re thinking the word ‘gritty’ or ‘authentic’ in your head.
Ep 5: Pastry
Paul asks Benjamina (reminder that Benjamina is black), “Where’s the influence come from?” Hasn’t asked anyone else that so far.
I gave up after episode five, but you get the idea.
[Addendum from Liz: you know what NONE of these microaggressions are? British people not liking pumpkin pie. Guess what got my [American] Twitter feed REALLY angry?]