Shark in the loo

This week’s Doctor Who episode (Liz liked it a lot! Especially Bill “greatest companion since the last one you really loved” Potts!) has a beat where the Doctor clears out a Sydney cafe by emerging from the toilets and shouting, “Shark attack!” For plot reasons, obviously.

But it’s frankly ridiculous that this ploy would work, so here are a couple of short listicles.

Things Australians would actually do if a random Scottish alien emerged from the dunny and shouted “Shark attack!”

  • Rush towards the toilets to gawk at the elusive urban loo shark
  • Set up three competing Twitter accounts for the loo shark
  • Order more coffee while considering whether or not to have avocado toast for brunch
  • Lament that the presence of a shark is just going to drive property prices up further, I mean, it’s just another sign of gentrification, isn’t it?
  • Start a debate about the ethics of culling toilet sharks


Ways to actually clear an Australian cafe

  • “The flat whites here are terrible.”
  • “Bon Soy is people!”
  • “Look! A two-bedroom pet-friendly flat in an inner suburb for less than $300 a week! Inspect now!”
  • “They’re out of avocado!”

One thought on “Shark in the loo

  1. nonelvis

    I cannot stop laughing, and I blame you. Of course, you blame me for finding the post that inspired this, so I suppose it all works out.

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