We are good, kind people, and that is why we enjoy sending each other photos of truly awful things and threatening to give them as gifts.

Things Liz will absolutely get for Stephanie one day, you just watch

• any piece of Firefly merch
• a replica of the “Extinction Hat”, a goatskin hat painted to look like Tasmanian Devil fur as a statement on wildlife exploitation that I saw in the National Gallery of Victoria last month
• the Benedict Cumberbatch colouring book
• these extraordinary Jamberry nail wraps

…please hold while I further gape at these nail wraps:

• they’re called “Aussie Charm”, and there is a 100% probability the designer was thinking about Crocodile Dundee when she created them
• when I say “created”, I mean, the Bicentennial called, it wants its graphic design back
• it’s like Expo 88 but for your nails
• these are the nail art equivalent of the jacket Bob Hawke wears in the opening number of Keating!
• they’re John Howard’s tracksuit
• they probably haunt the nightmares of Australian Olympians
• they’re SO amazing, I will be both sad and relieved when they’re no longer available for sale

BACK TO MY LIST OF EXCELLENT GIFTS THAT STEPHANIE WOULD WELCOME

• SPEAKING OF GREEN AND GOLD AND ALSO JOHN HOWARD’S TRACKSUITS…
• I don’t know why Crumpler was selling this backpack, but we all do silly things when the Olympics are on. I can’t find it in their website, but luckily I took a photo of it on display in the Crumpler store … because every single time I walked past it, I thought, “I need to threaten to buy that for Stephanie.”

Things Stephanie has bookmarked to buy for Liz, they’re so fantastic

• a romantic card featuring Riker that makes Steph laugh every time she encounters it
• this magpie art
• this emu bracelet pendant
• an ‘i ❤ my ginger tabby’ magnetic photo frame
• 
• every edition of Tokyo Super Sheikh Sama
• tickets to Fifty Shades Darker
• Blur like Sotong (Liz is actually for real getting this one)
• The complete set of Helen Garner books